Due to the #POLBRRVORTEX, we were stuck indoors for three days straight in #SNOLEDO. (I'm auditioning for a job drafting twitter hashtags for the local news). What better time to potentially scar our 4 year old with a creature double feature...
#56: Clash of the Titans
If you thought for one hot minute that I'm referring to the recent Sam "Quit-Trying-To-Make-Me-Happen-Hollywood" Worthington remake, you can show yourself out. NO! This is the original CGI-less version, lovingly handcrafted by Ray Harryhausen.
Clash of the Titans tells the story of Perseus (Harry "Hotlips" Hamlin) and his gods-aided quest for Andromeda's hand, for which he must battle mythical baddies Calibos, Medusa, and, at the BIG BOSS level, the Kraken. Featuring heavyweights of the British stage and screen (Laurence Olivier as Zeus and pre-Dowager Countess Maggie Smith) and an American known for training heavyweights (Burgess Meredith), the real star of the film is Harryhausen - whose effects, while dated, hold up remarkably well or at least hold a nostalgic charm.
After all, if you came of age in the 80's or early 90's, this was your Intro to Greek Mythology 101. Well, for everyone but Ms. ReViewing Habit, who does not share my affection for this classic monster movie. And, really, besides the nostalgia effect and as an artifact of pre-computer effects, there's not much to get excited about as an adult.
So, I'll admit to cheating a bit on this one. Having established an exemption for kid's movies early in this experiment, I recruited our oldest lil' ReViewer to see if I could squeeze this in on the kid's shelf. The effects get a little scary at times and I'll admit she covered her eyes more than once...but, what would you know, 4-year-olds still dig Greek myth! (Side note: she also might be a sociopath, because, while covering her eyes occasionally, she laughed maniacally when Calibos lost his hand and Medusa lost her head...what have we wrought upon this realm?)
So, we can technically classify this as a pitch, though it will find a happy home on the kid's shelf.
FINAL VERDICT: (cheat) PITCH
The bridge between the practical creature effects of Harryhausen to the modern computer effects that we are besotted with today, Jurassic Park, in our humble opinion, still has the best effects of any blockbuster. I'll never forget the sense of awe-inspired wonder I felt when I first saw this film and it's pretty great watching it with your kid and seeing that same amazement. I'll also admit the heroically manipulative John Williams score still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up during that first big reveal, where Laura Dern and Sam Neil (both never better) stare gape-mouthed at a brachiosaurus.
But, let's be honest, the real awe is inspired by the terrifyingly cool velociraptors (which, be honest, you knew nothing about before this):
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| Mmm..ice cream. |
Okay, sure, the cast is great, with Jeff Goldblum in a very Jeff Goldblum role, Samuel L. Jackson when he didn't stick out like a sore thumb, NEWMAN! (a.k.a. Wayne Knight*), Sir Richard Attenborough (slumming out of the director's chair), game-master extraordinaire Bob Peck, the aforementioned Neil and Dern, and great performances from the child actors as well (Joe Mazello, still acting, and Arianna Richards, not). And, yes, Steven Spielberg is still the reigning king of American blockbuster film-making. But real live DINOSAURS! Running wild in a theme park! Eating people! What else do you need?
Slight diversion: Our first anniversary was raining, crappy day when we lived in New York City. We decided to spend the day at the Museum of Natural History. Riding the train back uptown, we both mentioned how seeing all the dinosaurs made us want to see Jurassic Park. When we arrived back at our apartment and turned on the TV, what was on but the opening credits of Jurassic Park. A wonderful moment of serendipity, in which we enjoyed our cheap champagne and one year old wedding cake. Even if we didn't otherwise love this movie, it's worth keeping for triggering that memory alone.
FINAL VERDICT: KEEPER
Once the kiddos were safely (and warmly) in bed, Ma and Pa turned to a movie about real monsters. No Country for Old Men, adapted from a Cormac McCarthy novel, is perhaps the bleakest of the Coen Brothers oeuvre (their debut, Blood Simple, maybe comes close). Harsh and unrelenting, while showing the faintest pulse of hope in the tired eyes of Tommy Lee Jones' sheriff, it's simply unforgettable.
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| Get a haircut and get a real job. |
Llewelyn Moss (Josh Brolin), out hunting, happens upon the remains of a botched drug deal in the Texas desert. He makes off with the money and soon finds himself being hunted not just by Jones' sheriff, but by the implacable Anton Chigurh (Javier Bardem), an ice cold killer with a pageboy haircut. On Chigurh's tail, is Carson Wells (Woody Harrelson), an equally mysterious weirdo and the only one who really knows who or what Chigurh is.
To give away much more about the plot would do a disservice to those who haven't yet experienced it. A meditation on what it means to live in country soaked in blood, wondering whether there is a fire out there in the cold and the dark, wrapped in the guise of a tension-soaked, edge-of-your-seat thriller. There's nothing else to say but that it is not to be missed.
Medusa and T-Rex got nothing on American psychos.
FINAL VERDICT: KEEPER
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